Retro Reviews: Day 2 of Our Baseball Odyssey (Originally published 8-7-2013)

After an exciting and suspenseful evening (Would we find a taxi? Would we ever make it back to the hotel? Did Lauren ruin Christmas by eating Rudolph?) we were up bright and early and raring to go. Not only was it a Sunday matinee game, but we wanted to grab breakfast before the game and the food challenge that awaited us.

My sister lived in Denver, actually right next to Coors Field, for a few years and always spoke highly of a breakfast place called Snooze. We were excited to try breakfast there and had our taxi drop us off in front. We saw people milling around the door, which should have been a sign, but walked in to put our name in anyway. The hostess told us that the wait would be approximately an hour and a half. We gave her my cell phone number to text when the table was ready, but we knew we wouldn’t be back.

After searching Yelp! for some more local recommendations we decided on The 20th Street Cafe, which had mixed reviews but was cheap and we were able to be seated immediately. I had biscuits and gravy with a side of bacon and Lauren had the typical breakfast platter.

As I was eating my breakfast, lost in my own world, all of a sudden I felt a nudge next to me and I looked up to see Can older lady sliding in next to me and asking for some of my food as a joke. I was immediately taken aback, but she was wearing a Ron Santo t-shirt and so I told her that any friend of Ronnie was a friend of mine.

She was there with two younger members of her family and they sat at a table adjacent to us and we exchanged comments throughout the meal. I love meeting other Cub fans, it’s an immediate bond as you know that you have both shared the years of pain and heartache. That sounds awful, but it’s really quite nice.

We paid our bill and were at Coors just as the gates opened. We picked up our tickets and stopped for lots of photos outside the stadium, but eventually made our way inside. After the pint glass fiasco of the night prior I was afraid that there might be an issue getting the day’s giveaway of a Troy Tulowitzki bobblehead, but it went flawlessly and we were soon on our way down to the field.

There were no ushers hassling us as we walked down to the Cub dugout, unlike ushers at every other ballpark I’ve been to, so I thought we’d be in great shape. I was wrong. Lauren was stopped after following me down, but she told the usher that I was just coming down to take pictures for a few minutes. The usher was very understanding and even offered to take some photos for us. I wasn’t going say no and blow our cover, so we got several more nice photos of us with the field in the background. No complaints here.

As the Rockies celebrated their 20th year, they had a special 20th anniversary baseballs that they used when they played in Denver and I wanted one. Pretty badly. So I settled in to beg the players, unfortunately to no avail. While I was panhandling for a ball I saw that Junior Lake (call-up at the start of the series and surprise offensive stud) was signing at the end of the dugout. I knew I had no chance to fight my way down to the mob, so I stood pat and was rewarded with a big goose egg on both baseballs and autographs, however as I was making my way to our seats I did get the text that our table was ready at Snooze.

By this point it had gotten hot. Really hot. So I decided it was time to make my way to the seats where Lauren had retreated earlier with a bottle of water. Once I got there I saw that there was a Cub signing autographs right where I had been, in addition to the fact that Lauren told me that one of the Cubs shagging fly balls right in front of her had not tossed up a ball because there was nobody in the “right jersey.” Timing, folks. It’s all timing.

We watched the pre-game festivities and the first inning but the heat was absolutely killing us and we had wanted to explore the ballpark a bit anyway. So we vacated our seats and went to see what Coors Field had to offer.

We made our way to the Team Store, where we ventured in search of air conditioning and something to commemorate our trip. I decided that since I didn’t get a 20th anniversary ball from the players, I would just go ahead and buy one. So now for every stadium I visit, I will be purchasing some sort of commemorative ball. Relatively cheap, compact and easy to display. I think it was a good choice.

We wandered the concourse for a bit when Lauren mentioned that she had seen a sign for shandies and she wanted to try one. For those unaware, a shandy is a combination beer and lemonade. It sounded nasty to me too but it was quite refreshing and I actually enjoyed it.

With the slight courage boost provided by the shandy, I knew it was time to do the thing that I was the least excited to try at Coors Field, and yet knew I needed to try. I speak, of course, of Rocky Mountain Oysters. Seafood this ain’t. I walked boldly up to the concession stand and told the woman behind the counter that I’d like an order.

She looked at me in disbelief.

I said that I felt like since I was in Colorado, I needed to try them.

She proceeded to laugh and said, “I’m glad I’m not you.”

With that vote of confidence, I returned to the table where Lauren was waiting and set them down. After we properly documented them I took the bull by the…well, you know…and took my first bite. It was chewy. Not much flavor. Honestly, they were boring, outside of the fact that I knew they what they were. I eventually had to take some French fries in with each bite just so there was some textural variety and flavor.

I didn’t finish the order and now I never need to try those again.

Moving on, we continued our wandering and saw Todd Helton’s burger joint, and several remembrances of the Rockies National League Championship year when Lauren decided that we should go and see the “mile high seats.”

These seats are literally a mile above sea level and are designated as such by being the only row of purple seats in a stadium of green. It was a bit of a hike up, as there were no escalators running, but getting to see something so unique was worth it.

The view wasn’t too shabby either.

After our trek, it had cooled down a bit and we returned to our seats, sno-cone in hand to watch the end of the game. Sadly, the annoying fan behind us was still there. In full voice.

“Hey! There’s 2 strikes! Only 1 to go!”

“That’s what you want! To get a hit!”

“All right! Score the most runs and you’ll win!”

It was a real treat to get the deep commentary and analysis from a real expert like this idiot. It got to the point where we were openly mocking him.

“OK! Oxygen! That’s the stuff you wanna be breathing!”

“Do the hokey-pokey! Turn yourself around! Now THAT’S what it’s all about!”

Thankfully, there was a sweet older lady sitting next to us who we spoke with throughout our time in the seats. We told her of our adventure and she seemed excited and genuinely told us ‘thanks’ for visiting Denver.

In one of the more bizarre things we saw on the entire trip was the dental hygiene race, in which a tooth raced toothpaste and a giant toothbrush. These mascot races are becoming more popular, with the sausages in Milwaukee, the presidents in DC and, as we were soon to see, the “legends” in Arizona, but the oral care race was truly something else. And that’s the “tooth”!

The Cubs fell again to the Rockies despite a fairly decent pitching performance from Edwin Jackson, going 7 innings and earning a quality start.

0-2 to start the trip was not exactly how we wanted to leave Colorado.

We picked ourselves up and after trying to choose a place to eat for close to a half hour, finally decided that room service and packing for our 4 am hotel shuttle was probably the best plan for our last evening in Denver.

Yes, readers. We really do live the high life! The Mile-High life, for at least 2 days.

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